I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
