I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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