I didn't shave. On purpose
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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