Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
