I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
