I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
