I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
