Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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