remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
