If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
