I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
