Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
