lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
