Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
