is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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