So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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