Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He better not be in your backpack
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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