In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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