420 ftw
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is classic penis vs brain.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
