6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i've created a new STD.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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