woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
