So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
