So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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