I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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