My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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