How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
