He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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