So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
