Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
