So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
