The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
