You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
