im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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