I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so that wasnt chicken after all
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
