just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
