It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just pee around me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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