She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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