I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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