we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
