Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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