That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
