Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
