I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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