3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
