I CAN MOONWALK!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
