his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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