If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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