Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
