God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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