Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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