it hurts more in the daytime
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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