I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
