I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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