Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
